by Jerome du Bois
We get some strange emails. Not long after I trounced the free-for-all OnePlace Church for disrespecting Jesus of Nazareth, a Christian-marriage group told us to "stop preaching hate," claimed we were pro-homosexual (as if we give a damn about gays one way or the other), and "requested" that we take our blog offline. Oh yeah, right away. It's as if they read only every sixth sentence or something. Then somebody else tried to enlist us as their stalking horse for some agenda they have with Beatrice Moore, who they called "Betty Ann" for reasons of their own. (We call her Stale Cake, by the way.)
Now along comes local artist David Dauncey, just this morning, with a semi-coherent missive. Two of them, actually, almost identical, ten minutes apart. In the first one he hid behind the moniker "dpd_jam" and wrote "queynts" in the subject line. Maybe it's dirty British slang, but if so, it's lost on me. The internet tells me this word (spelled "queint") dates back to Chaucer and may mean either "quaint" or the past tense of "quench." As a subject line, though, it's a non sequiter. The text body is even more weird.
Verbatim:
referring to kimber lanning as stenchworth is just plain weak.and old.and gray.and bald.and show your wife's face you arse,we all know what she looks like.
In the second one, he decided to use his real name, changed the subject line to "tits on a bull," (!?) and wrote:
referring to kimber lanning as stenchworth is weak.and old.and gray.and bald.and show your wife's face you patsy.we all know what she looks like.respect to your old man and his service.
Let's get that last out of the way first: If you had any respect at all, you transplanted British twit, you would refer to him as my father. (Oh, and kudos to your erstwhile compatriots, who can't even legally defend themselves against their own criminal citizens, and bend over every time British Muslims push on with their evil agendas. Wankers is the word, I've heard. In the ongoing war of civilization against rebarbarization, they're as useless as . . . tits on a bull.)
Now, about the rest of it:
Kimber Lanning has never written to us to complain or object to the nickname Stenchworth. Dawdling Dauncey, in the meantime, is about two years late with his objection, since we haven't used the nickname in all that time. (Our posts about her are still the #2 and #3 Google for her given name, though.) Catherine came up with the nickname because she felt that Lanning's name for her record store stank, and to use it was akin to inviting some junior high-schooler to hoot "Made you say it! Made you say it!" And Lanning's store on Camelback Road is stenchworthy. The storefront is completely covered in steel mesh, like a crack house, the glass behind it still carries the faded letters "grand opening," and gangsta grafitti is sprayed all over the mesh. Maybe this champion of local business should change the name to Eyesore.
So we think the name is still timely, and Dauncey's objection is just plain weak, and old, and gray. ("Bald" I just don't get. Are the drugs frying your few remaining brain cells, old sod?)
I've already explained that Catherine keeps custody of her features on the internet because we know what some local yokels would do with such photos. They have already tried to show us their twisted hearts and infantile resentment by disfiguring one of my Portraits of Catherine --which backfired on them, as it should. You think I'm going to let that happen with her face? If you all know what she looks like, you dingalings, what other reason could you have to see her face except to caricaturize it? Stenchworth has no problem exhibiting Colin Chillag's disgusting paintings of men with their faces blown to bloody bits by shotgun blasts. What hatred of humanity must inhabit their hearts to promote snuff art. I believe nothing would stop them from doing the same to my beloved Catherine; so I won't give them the chance.
I wonder what prompted these emails now, and not before. Going over our recent postings, at first I thought it may have been my "Portrait Of The Phoenix Artist As A Tired Cliché." But on further reflection I think, instead, it's the banner just overhead, "Silver Tressellation." (I'll repost it to our Digital Art sidebar when we change the banner.) There's something about Catherine's poise, her glamour, and her glorious and abundant hair --which has never known any artificial coloring-- which bothers nattering nitwits like David Dauncey, and brings them out of the woodwork.
So in the spirit of nicknames I'll dub him Dingaling, because he's a little man, a silly man, petty, barbarous, and cruel.
Posted by Jerome at July 6, 2006 11:55 PM | TrackBack